There’s plenty of ideas floating around about what makes for a good, or bad, relationship. For example, it’s all about communication, conflict is a sign that relationship is in trouble and the one I like best (or really least) from an old movie: Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
Unfortunately, much of the thinking about problems and solutions in relationships is based on conventional “wisdom”, not evidence. That’s why I use Gottman Method couples counselling. This model of therapy is based on years of research on real couples, with real issues in real trouble.
For instance, did you know that most conflict in relationships is unsolvable? The goal is not to eliminate or solve all conflict (impossible), but rather to make conflict SAFE. The trick is to learn ways to “down-regulate” emotions, defensiveness, contempt and other triggering events DURING CONFLICT.
Here is a great article from the Huffington Post, Debunking 12 Myths About Relationships.