Find strength in your marriage by exposing some relationship myths

There’s plenty of ideas floating around about what makes for a good, or bad, relationship.  For example, it’s all about communication, conflict is a sign that relationship is in trouble and the one I like best (or really least) from an old movie:  Love means never having to say you’re sorry.

Unfortunately, much of the thinking about problems and solutions in relationships is based on conventional “wisdom”, not evidence.  That’s why I use Gottman Method couples counselling.  This model of therapy is based on years of research on real couples, with real issues in real trouble.
For instance, did you know that most conflict in relationships is unsolvable?  The goal is not to eliminate or solve all conflict (impossible), but rather to make conflict SAFE.  The  trick is to learn ways to “down-regulate” emotions, defensiveness, contempt and other triggering events DURING CONFLICT.
Here is a great article from the Huffington Post, Debunking 12 Myths About Relationships.

Understanding Attachment in your Marriage

Attachment is the emotional bond that forms between an infant and their parents or caregivers. The infant depends on the adult to provide their basic needs and the security of that attachment shapes their brain. How an infant attaches to their parent will affect the development of their personality and dictate how they may behave in adult relationships.

This article does a great job of explaining How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship.


Free yourself from unwanted and intrusive thoughts through EMDR therapy

I recently finished working with a client who had been in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. She was exhibiting classic signs of PTSD: intrusive thoughts, hyper-vigilance, and “fight, flight or freeze” responses when she thought of the abusive partner or saw reminders of him.

She did EMDR therapy for four months with me, and left my office the other day completely free of unwanted intrusive thoughts (distressing thoughts of memories of a trauma that just “show up” out of nowhere) and any fear of coming into contact with the abusive partner. We were BOTH amazed and delighted at how quickly her memories of the abuse were “filed” or adaptively processed by the EMDR sessions.

I find this over and over: what seem to be entrenched and frightening memories are faced and dealt with by this amazing therapy. The central nervous system wants to and WILL heal all on its own when given the means to do so.

Check out this article:

EMDR is Driving my Recovery from PTSD and Addiction

Bring back the magic

I often work with couples who want to feel closer to their partners, who don’t understand where the “magic” went. They used to have an easy intimacy, shared dreams and lots of laughs. What happened?

Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Julie, address this and many other relationship issues, many of which I see over and over in my practice. Their Gottman Method of Couples Counselling is based on 30 years of research and focused work with over 3000 couples. Here’s an article from their blog, “3 Steps to Reconnect When You Feel Disconnected From Your Partner”, that describes practical ways to bring back the “magic”.